If the mental heath care system in America were the standard for the Health care system in our country we would be in a state of emergency.

It was inevitable. I was going to kill myself. I didn’t want to. I was fighting hard, but my brain was broken and I didn’t think I could hold on much longer. The entire family had to come together to take a shift on suicide watch. All I can say to describe the way it felt to be in it is nauseating. It was awful. I can’t imagine how it felt to be on the outside. I pray to God that I never have to get that low again. It hurt. My flesh doesn’t ever want to feel that pain again.

The reason my family had to go on lock down, there were no other options. I could either be left to my own demise or put in an inpatient facility. I’ve been in an inpatient facility once before. Let’s just say I was naive and thought this is what I needed so I voluntarily signed up for this horrific sham.

Inpatient facility makes One flew over the Cookoos Nest look like a beachside oasis. I cried, begged, and pleaded and so they searched for other options. They weren’t there. I was already in counseling (3+ years 😎) I already saw the primary care who said lock her up, then the counselor, lock her up, then the Psychiatrist, lock her up. I was trembling with fear. Lock her up equals more trauma so they stood down.

By Gods grace we found the only Mental Illness Facility in America that is doing it right. Mind (the organ) body (chemical makeup) spirit (the Holy Spirit inside you, are you grieving it or are you feeding it?) This place treats you like a person not an inmate. The link is here for anyone needing help : honeylake.clinic

I have been snatched from the fire and for this moment in time my cause is helping find solutions to our mental health. I’m not just complaining, I want to help solve the problem. We need other voices, more awareness. Talk to the veterans and ask them if mental illness matters. Demand change for basic dignity. Let our acute care look like the ICU floor not death row. Find your local healthcare professionals and start a discussion. Light a fire in places where chance can be made. Vote for those who dare to tackle this issue. Pray for Gods mercy and grace. The sweet grace that brought me to the other side.

It was hard work. A month away from family, losing all independence, tackling hard subjects, like how every woman there had been sexually assaulted, another time. I stayed the course and God restored healing to my mind, body and soul. I’m still healing but I’m no longer in ICU.

So I raise my soapbox banner, though small and of no incredible significance to the crisis in our country for mental health care. I hope it’s a spark that ignites a nuclear bomb.